He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
