you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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