I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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