I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
