Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I did not marry a roomba.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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