on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
