Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
