In the future we'll all be gay
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
