forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
