you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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