Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
