Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
