I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
