This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
