Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize