i need an iv and a liver transplant
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
