Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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