I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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