NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
