I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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