I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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