If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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