It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
