just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
