Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've blown a few things in my day
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
