i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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