At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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