EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
