I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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