Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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