dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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