Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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