please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
