I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
