I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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