Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
