yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I understand Curling. That high.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
