Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
