So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
