Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
