U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
