we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
