I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
