don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize