I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
