It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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