tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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