her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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