imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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