Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
