I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
