so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
