You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
