he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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