Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize