yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
