On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
