She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
