I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
