I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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