Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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