their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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