i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
